


retrograde

by kinkykenjirou



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Goshiki would appear for like a few seconds, Implied Kawanishi Taichi/Tendou Satori in the end, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Platonic Soulmates, Temporary Amnesia, hinted Terushima Yuuji/Daishou Suguru, the other second gen captains would be mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 15:48:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13298121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinkykenjirou/pseuds/kinkykenjirou
Summary: (v.) to go back in position or time* * * * *“If you could go back in time and change something, what would you change?”





	retrograde

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So, I'm here again with another SemiShira fic because I love SemiShira so much and they're my babies and i just love them so much okay. This is a bit long and it took me so much time to plan it out and finally it's here yayyy! I hope you all enjoy this fic and support it like you did with my other fics. And please support semishira, it's the best ship out there and it needs more content. Anyway, enjoy and please tell me what you think in the comments or hmu in twitter, @SEMlSEMEN. ILY ALL! <3 -A.

It was the first day of his second year in college when he first met him. 

 

Summer was just settling in, the warmth seeping into his skin, and he breathed a sigh of relief. He’s always been a fan of the heat, never liking the bitter cold biting at his skin. 

 

Semi Eita started to walk towards the university gates when a shorter guy bumped into him and his stuff fell. 

 

“Shit, I’m sorry.” The guy apologized as he knelt down on the ground. 

 

“It’s okay. Is it your first year?” Semi asked as he knelt down beside the guy and helped him pick up his stuff that fell down. 

 

“Yeah, and I think I’m running a little late. I still have to find the way to my classroom in this big-ass school.” He said, huffing a breath as he stood up. 

 

Semi smiled at the boy, “We don’t usually have classes on the first day. Most professors just allow students to roam around and join organizations and stuff. No need to rush.” 

 

The boy looked at him and raised an eyebrow, “Are you a first year as well?” 

 

“Nope, I’m in second year. My name’s Eita by the way, Semi Eita. I major in Interior Design. How about you?” 

 

“Uh, I’m Shirabu Kenjirou, I major in English Literature.” 

 

Semi smiled and offered him a hand, “Nice to meet you, Shirabu. And welcome to the university life.” 

 

Shirabu took the offered hand and shook it lightly, “Nice to meet you too, Semi-san.” 

 

_Atleast, that was what Semi thought._

 

—————————

 

“So do you have any organization you wanted to join?” Semi asked as he walked Shirabu around the campus grounds. True enough, there were no classes yet and students were free to roam around, much to Shirabu’s annoyance and Semi’s amusement. The ashen-haired man offered a tour for Shirabu which he hesitantly took after Semi’s prodding. 

 

Shirabu shrugged, _I don’t really know,_ and proceeded to look around the booths organized in the campus grounds. “Are you a part of something?” 

 

Semi nodded his head, “I’m part of the volleyball team.” And he saw how the younger man’s ears perked up in interest. 

 

Semi played wing spiker for their university team. And it turns out, Shirabu played back in his high school days as a setter, a position Semi wanted to play in. “It was cool, I wanted to be one but it just seemed like it wasn’t the right position for me.” 

 

He asked Shirabu to join the team, seeing as the young man clearly enjoyed volleyball with the way his eyes sparkled even if just a little as they talked. And with a little prodding and provoking from Semi _(“I bet you’re not that bad.”)_ , Shirabu got roped into joining _(“I can confidently assure you that I am good at what I do, Semi-san.”)_ for he was not one to back down in such things. 

 

—————————

 

“Hey, Satori!” Semi called and a red-haired guy, who was hanging around the volleyball booth, turned and grinned at the ashen-haired man. 

 

“Yo, Eita-kun. I’ve been looking for you.” He said. 

 

“I was walking a freshman around, had to give him the tour and you know maybe convince him to join the team.” Semi said. 

 

“So, that was the hidden agenda of you being a nice senpai, Semi-san.” Shirabu said as he stood beside Semi. 

 

“Aha, but it was you who joined at your own will. I only gave you the push.” Semi said, grinning. Shirabu rolled his eyes. “By the way, this is Tendou Satori, 2nd year biology major and my bestfriend.” Semi said as he gestured to the red-head who was looking both of them curiously. “And Satori, this is Shirabu Kenjirou, English lit and probably a new member of the volleyball team.” Tendou offered his hand out to Shirabu, _nice to meet you Shirabu-kun_ , to which Shirabu returned politely, _Likewise Tendou-san_. 

 

—————————

 

“What are you doing here, Kenjirou?” Tendou asked as soon as they were alone. 

 

“I’m here for my college education, Tendou-san.” Shirabu answered, averting his eyes. 

 

Tendou sighed. “Kenjirou, you were supposed to go to that university that offered you the volleyball scholarship together with Taichi.” 

 

“I didn’t want it.” 

 

“You didn’t? Or is it something, no, someone that caused you to change your decision?”  

 

Shirabu looked at Tendou and the latter didn’t avert his gaze. They just stared at each other, challenging, measuring, before Shirabu looked down and sighed. 

 

He closed his eyes, and in front of Tendou stood the kid, his kouhai, his friend, that he took to a friendly liking and fondness during his high school days and he saw the broken shell of what was left of him after the unfateful accident from a year ago which left a lot of them, especially the copper-brown haired boy terribly broken. 

 

“I lost him, Tendou-san. And this is the most I could do to just be near him.” 

 

—————————

 

 **[chat: yahaba, shirabu, futakuchi, terushima]**  

 

(16:54) Yahaba: Yo bitches how’s uni for all of u

(16:54) Futakuchi: we’re together for the whole day shigeru

(16:54) Yahaba: i’m not asking u asshole

(16:55) Terushima: it was great! suguru just toured me around the campus bc i dont have classes and we ate ice cream 

(16:55) Yahaba: fun

(16:55) Yahaba: hbu shirabitch

(16:55) Shirabu: ran into semi-san and tendou-san 

(16:56) Yahaba: “semi-san” 

(16:56) Shirabu: shut up

(16:56) Futakuchi: wat happend

(16:57) Shirabu: semi-san showed me around and somehow got me to join the vball team

(16:57) Yahaba: “somehow” lol u will join even if he just bats an eyelash @ u

(16:57) Shirabu: shut up 

(16:58) Terushima: “semi-san” lol i thought u’d still call him eita

(16:58) Shirabu: who tf cares

(16:58) Futakuchi: u do

(16:58) Shirabu: stfu and go hunt some dick or someth

(16:59) Futakuchi: maybe some other time im trying to lie low on the hoe-ness

(17:00) Shirabu: btch since when 

(17:00) Futakuchi: since today fuck off 

(17:01) Yahaba: aw shirabooboo is salty today

(17:01) Shirabu: stfu 

(17:02) Yahaba: why dont we just go out and like u know celebrate the first day 

(17:02) Yahaba: kenjirou needs to like chill 

(17:03) Futakuchi: i’m up for this hbu yuuji

(17:03) Terushima: im going im bringing suguru w/ me 

(17:04) Yahaba: alright

(17:04) Yahaba: hey shirabu ur coming whether u like it or not

(17:05) Shirabu: u live next door and probably gonna drag me out of my unit so i dont really have a say in this

(17:05) Yahaba: true 

(17:05) Yahaba: gear ur asses up we’re all meeting @ 5.30 by the station 

 

    — — — — — —

 

“His hair still looks fucking stupid with the fucking ash gray color with the dyed tips” Shirabu slurred while holding his 6th glass of alcohol for the night. He was never one with high tolerance for alcohol, and that was the reason he tried to tone down whenever they all went out for drinks, but tonight seems like an exception. 

 

Futakuchi and Yahaba were just watching him while they were nursing their 3rd glasses for the night and Terushima was off in the dancefloor with his boyfriend. 

 

“And his eyes are still the same chocolate-brown that have always been beautiful and piercing and just.. wow” Shirabu downed his drink and stared absent-mindedly at his glass. Empty. As empty and hallow as he felt deep inside of him. “He still looks the same and sounds the same, only he doesn’t know me, doesn’t feel the same” 

 

Shirabu looked up at his friends and Futakuchi felt his heart break as he saw how lost his best friend looked. “Why did he have to forget me?” He said, voice a whisper, desperate, pleading, questioning, pained, broken. And Yahaba decided it was enough. They all decided to call it a night and went home to their respective dorms. Yahaba brought Shirabu back seeing as they are the ones who lived next to each other. 

 

“You’re gonna get a fucking hang-over you ass.” He whispered as he laid Shirabu down on the bed. He saw the tear stains on his cheek and decided to wipe it away. 

 

Giving one last look at the boneless heap on the bed before leaving, he sighed and went back to his own unit. 

 

 _He’s gonna get a nasty hang-over tomorrow but it won’t be enough to numb the pain his heart feels_. 

 

    — — — — — — —

 

[ 3 years ago ] 

 

16 year old Shirabu Kenjirou inhaled a deep breath before entering the gym where the volleyball team is practicing and where the try-outs would be held. 

 

He looked around and saw his senpais practicing hard, balls being hit hard as if nothing, serves that are powerful and the spikes that Ushijima Wakatoshi hit, producing a loud thump on the gym floor. 

 

His eyes followed as another ball was tossed high into the air and the setter, an ashen-haired man, set it for Ushijima to spike. 

 

Shirabu Kenjirou looks up to setters who play elegantly. And this setter sure does. He watched him play, ashen gray hair framing his face, dyed tips contrasting the paleness of his skin. He watched as his muscles moved beneath the dark material of their training tshirt, slender but strong fingers tossing and setting the ball up for a spike. And as the last ball hit the ground, the whistle blew and first years were asked to line up and introduce themselves and their positions. 

 

“Kawanishi Taichi, Middle Blocker. Nice to meet you.” A brunet boy with a bedhead beside him said in introduction. Shirabu swallowed first before stepping forward and doing the same thing.

 

“Shirabu Kenjirou, Setter. Please take care of me.” Shirabu said and bowed down, the chocolate gaze of a certain second year following him in interest. 

 

After the introductions, they were set to play in a 3 vs 3 practice match to see their abilities. Shirabu was placed in a team with Tendou Satori, a second year with wild red hair that seems to match his personality and another second year named Leon Ohira, a much calmer one compared to Tendou. On the other side of the net was the wonderful setter he was watching earlier, the first year middle blocker, Kawanishi Taichi, and the ace Ushijima Wakatoshi. In the end, Shirabu’s team lost despite the superb blocking skills of Tendou and the undoubtedly powerful spikes of Leon. Ushijima was that hard to beat. 

 

“You did well.” Shirabu looked up from where he was seated on the bench and saw the ashen haired setter in front of him, offering him a bottled water which he accepted gratefully. “You got talent and nice ball control.” His senpai said before drinking his own water. 

 

“Thank you.” 

 

The older man smiled at him, “I don’t think I’ve introduced myself, I’m Semi Eita.” 

 

“Shirabu Kenjirou.” Semi nodded. “So, setter huh? Don’t think I’m gonna let you off the hook easy just because you’re pretty.” A grin from the ashen haired guy and a flush made its way to Shirabu’s cheeks. 

 

“Well, I’m not backing down on the challenge, senpai.” Shirabu said, despite the heat he feels creeping on his face. 

 

Semi raised an eyebrow before shaking his head and letting out an amused huff. “We’ll see about that. And please drop the senpai. Just Semi would be good. Nice to meet you, Shirabu.” A hand was offered. Shirabu took it and shook his hand lightly. 

 

“Nice to meet you too Semi-san.” 

 

—————————

 

A toss, and the ball was thrown up high, then a spike, followed by a loud thud on the gym floors and the whistle blew. The players gathered around their coach, some with towels across their necks and some with water bottles held in their hand. 

 

“We’ll be having the practice match with Chuo University in half an hour. Take your time to rest and prepare for the match.” The coach said and they all bowed before scrambling off, some going to change into their volleyball uniforms and some sat down on the sides to take a breather. Shirabu was one of them.

 

“Chuo, that’s where you should’ve gone, right?” Shirabu heard someone say and he turned to see Tendou standing by the doorway of the gym. 

 

“Tendou-san.” Shirabu greeted him as the red-head entered. 

 

“What happened after you turned down the scholarship?” Tendou asked.

 

“I recommended Yahaba to the coach. And he liked him. So I guess it was kind of a win-win situation. Yahaba gets into the university he wanted and I get to go here.” Tendou nodded at the response and they both fell silent as they saw Semi walking towards them dressed in his jersey, the number three printed at the back with his school’s name on it. Shirabu got up and excused himself to the locker room to get changed, taking a deep breath as he puts on his clothes. 

 

—————————

 

 Twenty minutes passed by and the players from Chuo University arrived and as they entered the gym, a loud “KENJIROOUUUU!!!” was heard, followed by Shirabu being tackled to the ground by a tall guy with dark brown hair.

 

“Kenji, get off me!” Shirabu said as he struggled to push Futakuchi off him but the taller guy just laughed at him and proceeded to mess with Shirabu’s hair, a gesture he knows his best friend hates.

 

“They seem to know each other well.” Semi said as he watched the scene playing right before him, letting out a small smile as he watched a frustrated and struggling Shirabu trying to pry off someone taller and bigger than him. Tendou just looked at him by the side of his eyes, “Yeah. Seems so.” 

 

Everyone jumped when a whistle was heard and Futakuchi stood up immediately, went to his team’s side to greet the home team’s players and got scolded by the coach. 

 

Everyone gathered around, and their coach spoke some words of encouragement, _keep your head in the game and don’t let the opponent razz you_ , and they went off to line up on the other side of the court facing the opposing team. A whistle was blown, _let’s all play a good game_ , and hands were shook. 

 

“I hope you’re ready to lose, Shirabitch.” Yahaba said on the other side of the net. Shirabu raised his brow and let out a barely-there smirk, “I’d like to see you try.” And the game started. 

 

It was a neck and neck match, each team playing hard to not let the other get ahead of them by a large margin. A spike from Futakuchi and they were on matchpoint, 24-23 in favor of Chuo. Yahaba and Futakuchi smirked at Shirabu who gritted his teeth in response. 

 

“Don’t mind, don’t mind!” A senpai said and they all went back into position. A deep breathe, the whistle was blown, opponent # 10 served, a serve Shirabu was overly familiar with. 

 

“It’s gonna fall!” And a senpai received the ball, Shirabu tossed, another spiked, the other team caught it. 

 

“Chance ball, chance ball!” The receive was off, but Yahaba was a talented player and tossed the ball to the other net, making Shirabu receive the ball. “Semi-san!” He called on impulse as he received the ball and Semi was in front in an instant, hands ready to toss the ball and, “Koji-san, if you’d please!” And the ball flew up beautifully and Shirabu was in awe. A spike, and it was a deuce. 24-24. 

 

“Nice toss, Semi!” The team clapped his back and Shirabu was left to stare at his senpai who looked at him despite the people crowding him, “Nice receive.” 

 

_It feels like it happened before. What is this? De ja vu?_

 

—————————

 

 The next time he called him by his name was by accident. 

 

The pressure was building and everyone was desperate to rack up the last two points needed to win. It’s the third set, Hosei taking the first and Chuo taking the second back. Now Hosei was at matchpoint, 28-27. 

 

The receive was off and when the receive was off, the ball would be brought to the powerful cannon, set the ball high enough for the ace to spike and get it through the opponent’s block.

 

It was an accident brought on by pressure and desperation, and Shirabu swore he would never call him that again, not after what happened. 

 

But he did.

 

“Eita!” And he tossed the ball, Semi getting ready for a spike, a loud thud and the whistle was blown. Hosei took the third set and won the match. 

 

Everyone rejoiced, but was cut off when they saw Semi on his knees, clutching his head and groaning. Shirabu was frozen on his spot, and he saw Tendou running towards Semi. All it took was a shove from Yahaba and he was walking towards the bench where Semi sat beside Tendou, clutching his head with one hand and holding a bottle with another. 

 

“Semi-san, are you okay?” Shirabu asked hesitantly. Semi looked up at him and smiled a little. 

 

“Yeah, it’s just headache. It happens all the time after I got into an accident last year.” 

 

Shirabu looked to Tendou in desperation but the red-head had his head down and was not meeting his gaze. 

 

“Kenjirou.” He turned around and saw his friend, 190 cm tall with golden brown hair, face as passive as ever but eyes laced over with worry for a friend he hadn’t seen in months.

 

“Taichi.” 

 

_It was an accident._

 

—————————

 

_The buzzer sounded and Shiratorizawa put in their pinch server in exchange of Tendou._

_“We’re counting on you, Eita-kun!”_

_“Yeah!”_

_Shouts of “Nice serve, Semi!,” “Semi, get a nice serve in!,” sounded through the gym. The whistle blew and Semi tossed the ball high up in the air, jumped and hit it. Karasuno received the ball but returned it after three hits. Chance ball._

_“Above you, Shirabu!” Semi shouted. Shirabu jumped and tossed the ball to Semi who immediately went to the front line, “Semi-san!”_

_“Come on, Tsutomu!” A toss, a spike. It went in, but the other team wasn’t able to catch it. A point for Shiratorizawa. Break._

_“Nice play!” Leon cheered for them. “Nice toss, Semi-san!” Goshiki said. Semi smiled and turned to Shirabu before taking the ball and going back to the serving area._

_“Nice receive.”_

 

—————————

 

The two of them walked back quietly to Shirabu’s place. 

 

It is in these moments that Shirabu could find himself relaxing again in the comfort of a friend who does not need to say anything to know what goes through his mind. Kawanishi Taichi just knew him well enough. 

 

He was gripping him hard the moment they stepped outside the confines of the gymnasium. Kawanishi knew how panicked Shirabu was. 

 

 _It’s fine, you’re alright_. Assurance. 

 

 _An arm around the shoulder_. Relief. 

 

Kawanishi knew Shirabu needed to feel grounded to the present because if not, he would start blaming himself again and again, something he doesn’t want to see his best friend do.

 

They reached Shirabu’s house and was greeted by four men who were scuttling around, one in the kitchen, one in the dining and two others in the living room. 

 

“What are you all doing here?” Shirabu asked while looking around his apartment unit. 

 

“We decided to have a movies and games night.” Terushima answered from the dining. 

 

“Don’t you all have classes tomorrow?” 

 

“Who cares?” Yahaba said, shrugging nonchalantly. _We need to make sure you’re okay._  

 

It took a lot of convincing before Shirabu relented and the six of them spent the night together, playing board games in which Shirabu and Yahaba would bicker and Futakuchi kept on cheating, having a pillow fight caused by Terushima who went inside suspiciously to Shirabu’s bedroom and went out hitting Kawanishi straight on the face with a pillow, and ending up with all of them curled up in the living room with a movie playing, the television emitting light in the otherwise dark room. 

 

Shirabu stayed awake all through-out the movie, he wasn’t one to sleep easily after all, and he thought he was the only one awake until he felt someone nudging his elbow and he turned to see Futakuchi awake beside him. 

 

“Hey.” Shirabu said, rubbing his eyes and sitting up from his position on the floor, careful in order to not rouse Yahaba and Kawanishi from their sleep. Futakuchi followed suit, a blanket around his shoulders and opening one side for Shirabu to slip in and share the warmth with him. 

 

“Can’t sleep?” Futakuchi asked, eyes trained on the television. 

 

“When was I able to?” Shirabu answered with a scoff. Futakuchi smiled, “You were never one ever since we were in junior high.” He chanced a look at his childhood best friend, “You okay?” 

 

Caramel eyes met mocha brown before Shirabu looked away, “Yeah.” 

 

“Liar.” 

 

“Are you?” Shirabu asked in return, eyes trained on Terushima and Daishou’s cuddled forms on the couch. He heard Futakuchi take in a deep breath before answering, “Yeah.”

 

“Liar.” 

 

Futakuchi shrugged, “No one would really know the difference.” 

 

“I would.” A soft reassuring whisper, answered by a smile, “Yeah, you would.” 

 

 _Silence_.

 

“I love you.” Shirabu said out of the blue which caused Futakuchi to look at him with a raised eyebrow. “I love you.” Shirabu repeated and looked at Futakuchi straight in the eyes before sighing heavily. “They were just three words but they carry so much weight. And that’s the thing with words, they mean so much or so little, there is no in between, and they could mess up your life with just a few utterances.” 

 

“That night, I just wished I kept quiet, or maybe even let things calm down before I even opened my mouth. But no, I just had to ruin everything and now it has left me with regrets and what ifs.” 

 

Futakuchi just kept quiet and let Shirabu speak because it was rare for Shirabu to let it all out and him doing so meant he was in a tight space, and he was close to breaking, close to falling down, and if listening could help him lift the weight from Shirabu’s shoulders, he would gladly do it without second thoughts, after all, that’s what best friends are for. 

 

“I want to go back and make it right. But that’s the thing about time you see. It is both limited and endless. Limited in a sense that there is just a number of things you could do in such a period of time and endless in a sense that it just goes on and it would never wait for you. It is a cycle. And you need to catch up.” 

 

“But Eita and I...” 

 

“Time has stopped for us a year ago, and it was all my fault. Because of that one night.” 

 

—————————

 

_“Kenjirou?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_They were both lying down on the grass, gazing up at the sun-lit sky, blue and endless._

_“If you could go back in time and change something, what would you change?”_

_“Why the question?”_

_“I just came to realize that one small act can change an entirety of something and one word, even just a word, can cause a huge impact. It’s like a domino, you drop one, you drop everything unless you put it to a stop, like a stone being dropped in the water, it would create a small ripple which would later on create larger ones until the peace of a stagnant form is disturbed.”_

_Shirabu looked at him and raised an eyebrow, “Well, aren’t you Mr. Life-Genius today.” Semi just rolled his eyes, “Brat,” he muttered affectionately._

_“Well, if I could change one thing, maybe I would do better when I was a first year so I could’ve replaced you sooner in the line-up.” Shirabu answered which earned him a flick on the nose from Semi. “Asshole.”_

_“There’s nothing more amusing than watching you warm the benches, Semi-san.” Shirabu said with a wide grin and Semi moved to straddle him and tickle his sides which caused unattractive snorts and laughter to bubble up from Shirabu’s throat until he can’t breathe anymore. Semi pinned his arms to the sides of his head and leaned in closer, “You’re such a brat, you know?”_

_“I was informed a while ago by you.” Shirabu answered back. Semi bit his nose lightly. “How about you, Eita? Would you change anything?” Semi thought for a while, his lips forming into a pout and forehead creasing. Shirabu inclined his head up slightly and placed a kiss on Semi’s lips, making the latter smile._

_“I wouldn’t.”_

_“Why not?”_

_“Well, if circumstances were different, I don’t think I would’ve met you. I wouldn’t able to do this.” He said and placed a long kiss on Shirabu’s lips._

_“What I did in the past resulted in me going here and getting to know you. Getting to hate you, getting to like you and getting to fall in love with you.” Semi whispered on Shirabu’s lips which causes the younger setter to smile. “Time is limited and endless at the same time. There’s only much I could do in such a short period of time but I’m glad it was enough to lead me to you.”_

_“Aren’t you a sap today?” Shirabu asked softly. Semi chuckled before placing yet another kiss on his boyfriend’s lips, “I love you Kenjirou.”_

_A soft smile, “I love you too Eita.”_

_“Hey you two!! Continue the fucking for later, practice is resuming and coach is looking for both of you!” Tendou’s voice rang and both of them stood up, Shirabu’s fingers interlacing with Semi and they both shared a smile before heading back inside the gymnasium._

 

—————————

 

Shirabu was awoken by a kick on his shin. 

 

He groaned as an answer, but the perpetrator didn’t stop causing him to open an eye and look at him. 

 

“Shigeru, what the fuck?” Shirabu groaned. 

 

“Go get the door, someone’s knocking and whoever it is make him or her stop.” Yahaba said and took Shirabu’s pillow to cover his head. Shirabu stood up and stretched before padding over lazily to the door, rubbing his eyes sleepily as he opened the door. 

 

“Yes?” He said. 

 

“Uh, Shirabu?” 

 

And with that voice, sleep seemed to escape his body and he felt awake. “Semi-san?” He said, disbelieving.

 

“Hi, good morning.” Semi greeted with a smile enough to make Shirabu flush a little. 

 

“Uh, good morning. What brings you here and how did you know my place?” Shirabu asked.

 

“Satori told me. You weren’t at morning practice today and everyone was worried so I told them I’d come over since I don’t have classes for the rest of the day.” Semi answered.

 

“What time is it?”

 

“A little past 11 in the morning.” Shirabu groaned at Semi’s answer before he remembered that they were still standing by the doorway.

 

“Ah, please come inside Semi-san. I’m sorry my place is a bit of a mess right now.” 

 

“It’s okay. It couldn’t be worse than Satori’s.” Semi went in and toed his shoes off, following Shirabu into the living room where he saw three bodies sprawled out on the floor and two cuddled on the couch. 

 

“Uh, please wait in the dining while I wake these shit-stains up.” Shirabu said and Semi nodded in response, proceeding to the dining and sitting down on one of the chairs.

 

“Hey, all of you. Wake up. It’s fucking 11 and you all have classes. Get off my floor.” Shirabu said as he started to wake all of them up by hitting them with a pillow. 

 

Yahaba was the first to get up and he proceeded to the dining immediately but halted in his tracks when he saw Semi there. The ashen gray-haired man looked up and smiled before greeting him with a good morning to which Yahaba kindly returned. “Hey, Shirabooboo. You didn’t tell me you have a visitor.” Yahaba said with a grin as he looked at the living room. Futakuchi and Terushima were up in an instant and rushed to where Yahaba is, grinning when they saw Semi sitting in one of the dining table chairs. 

 

“Good morning~” they greeted in unison. Semi smiled at them and said a good morning in return. 

 

“Stop crowding him, assholes. You’re gonna scare him.” Shirabu said, hitting them on the head before walking past and into the kitchen. “Semi-san, would you like anything to drink?” He asked.

 

“Tea would be nice.” Semi replied. Shirabu nodded and started to heat some water, stopping when he heard Yahaba clear his throat. “What?”

 

“You are not gonna ask us what we want to drink?” Yahaba said teasingly. Shirabu rolled his eyes, “Fuck off and leave. You’ve done enough mess.” 

 

Yahaba just laughed at his response and proceeded to help in the kitchen for drinks and breakfast preparations. Futakuchi and Terushima sat down and engaged Semi in a conversation, joined by Kawanishi and Daishou who entered the dining last. 

 

The last minutes of the morning were filled with light conversations and sassy remarks coupled with friendly banters until it was time for the others to leave. 

 

“Don’t be so loud, Shirabooboo. I’m just next door and I could hear you through the walls.” Yahaba said with a grin that made Shirabu blush. “Fuck off Shigeru.”  Yahaba just laughed at him and bid him goodbye as he entered his unit, Terushima, Futakuchi and Daishou following suit, and leaving. 

 

“Don’t be a stranger.” Kawanishi said as Shirabu turned to him last. 

 

“I won’t.” Shirabu said. With one last hug and a _“See you soon, Kenjirou,”_ Kawanishi left and Shirabu sighed before closing the door. 

 

“So, Shirabooboo.” Semi said when Shirabu entered the dining. 

 

“Don’t start, Semi-san.” 

 

Semi laughed and it was light and beautiful and Shirabu was in love yet again.

 

—————————

 

“You’re so weak, give me that.” Semi said and pushed Shirabu lightly to the side and took control of the clawing machine. Shirabu just puffed his cheeks, irritated at not getting anything despite the 10 attempts he had. He really wanted the bunny. 

 

He crossed his arms and watched as Semi maneuvered the claw and was able to catch the bunny that Shirabu has been attempting at getting. He let out an annoyed huff, muttering how unfair it was that Semi got to do it easily. 

 

“Here.” Shirabu looked at Semi and saw his arm outstretched, the bunny being held in his hand. He looked at him questioningly and Semi sighed, “Take it. I can see how much you wanted it.” 

 

Shirabu looked at the bunny longingly which urged Semi to convince him to take the stuffed bunny. Shirabu took it hesitantly and hugged the stuffed bunny to his chest with a pout, eyes not meeting Semi’s but the older saw how Shirabu’s eyes lighted up. 

 

Semi chuckled and ruffled Shirabu’s hair, “Come on. Let’s get dinner.” 

 

Shirabu blinked and looked at Semi’s retreating back. 

 

After he took a bath and they both left his place, he asked Semi if he wanted to hang out because Shirabu wasn’t in the mood for classes and wanted to just skip the rest of the day. They ended up watching a movie and playing at the mall’s arcade center. 

 

“Shirabu?” Semi called when he noticed the younger setter not following him. 

 

“Ah, yes. Let’s go.” Shirabu said and hurried to walk by Semi’s side. 

 

“What do you want to eat?” Semi asked him.

 

_Maybe..._

 

“Anything’s good.” Shirabu answered _. As long as I get to be with you._

 

Maybe it was worth it that they skipped classes and volleyball practice today.

 

—————————

 

Semi didn’t know how and when it happened. 

 

At first, Shirabu Kenjirou was just a kouhai. An interesting one at that. Snarky and sass all in one body. He was small, and Semi found it adorable how he won’t let anyone tower over him. His presence made up for it. He was intimidating for some and outwardly polite in an annoying manner that ticks off people who belittle him. 

 

And then, he was a friend. Shirabu Kenjirou became the third person that made up his friendship with Tendou. They became a trio. And Semi loved it how Shirabu blended in easily with both of them, how at ease he was, because no matter how passive he is, his eyes speak the truth. It was as if he belonged to them and has been with them for a long time and Semi loved the familiarity that came with Shirabu Kenjirou. 

 

They spent a lot of time together. At first it was just lunch breaks and volleyball practices. Then it grew so much that they started to spend time outside school. After that morning in Shirabu’s apartment unit and that day spent in the mall with only each other as a company, everything came easy. They would hang out at cafés, study with each other, sometimes with Tendou tagging along, going out to movies, and sometimes just lazing around on each other’s place. It became a habit, and Semi found himself looking forward to each time. 

 

And now, he was something special in Semi’s life. He didn’t know when caramel brown eyes became the most beautiful eye color he ever gazed upon. He didn’t know when copper brown hair became the sensation his fingers wanted to feel in between. He didn’t know when Shirabu Kenjirou started to become so beautiful in his eyes. Not only pretty, but beautiful.

 

And now he was staring. At slender fingers tossing the volleyball with so much grace, at copper brown hair that bounces as he jumps but never gets out of place, at slender body that he wants to feel pressed against his own. Shirabu Kenjirou was beautiful. 

 

“You’re staring.” Satori said beside him. He was always there during their morning and afternoon practices. 

 

“I know.” Semi said and let out a sigh before smiling. 

 

“Ohlololo~ what is this Semisemi?” Tendou said with a smirk when he saw the faint and soft smile on Semi’s lips.

 

“I don’t know, Satori. I just..” 

 

“Shirabu. He’s wonderful and I don’t even think the word ‘like’ would be enough to express how and what I feel.” 

 

—————————

 

They were at a bar one night. The team just won a match and was one of the universities who were able to make it to the top 16. They all decided to make this night a free night and celebrate their win, and their coach and manager agreed to it. 

 

Four shots into the night and Shirabu was starting to feel light-headed. The mix was too strong and he saw Tendou and Semi laughing, which made him curse his poor alcohol resistance. He wasn’t even supposed to drink tonight, but Semi and Tendou always had the tendency to rile him up until he wasn’t even aware he was playing into their hands, and thus the current 4 shots. 

 

“I’m so done.” Shirabu said as he rested his head on the back of the booth they were seated in. 

 

“Come on, it’s not that bad. Rest up a little. Satori and I are gonna go to the dancefloor. Come find us when you’re good.” Semi said and got up before Shirabu could respond.

 

Shirabu sat up straight and looked at the crowd on the dancefloor. Tendou kept on wiggling his hips playfully and Semi laughed at his friend. Shirabu let an affectionate smile show on his face at the scene. He poured himself another shot, and downed it, grimacing at the slightly bitter taste it left in his mouth. 

 

A couple of minutes later, he decided to follow Semi and Tendou into the dancefloor and stood up. He held himself steady when he noticed the ground spinning beneath him. _How many shots did I take? Three? Four?_ He doesn’t even remember. Shirabu has low alcohol resistance thus resulting with him holding back on the intake when he has company, but when he was left alone, he sure couldn’t keep watch on how much alcohol he could take in. 

 

He staggered towards the dance floor, and when he caught sight of Semi, he immediately held onto him. Semi turned and saw Shirabu, eyes glazed over with how tipsy he was and he helped the younger one stand up straight. 

 

“Hey, you okay?” Semi said. “We told you to rest up, not down more shots of alcohol, jeez.” Shirabu chuckled and draped himself over Semi, “You’re such a mama swan, Semi-san.” 

 

“Am I?” 

 

“Yeah, it’s quite adorable.” 

 

Semi knew it was the alcohol talking, but he can’t help but blush with the words that came out of Shirabu’s lips plus the close proximity they were in. 

 

“Dance with me Eita.” Shirabu whispered into his ear and Semi loved how his name sounded when it came from Shirabu. His voice brought shivers to his body, coils up around his heart like a snake and squeezed at it, it was almost painful. 

 

Strong arms wrapped themselves around a slender waist and Shirabu hummed in contentment as they swayed to the music. It was slow, savoring, and Semi loved how Shirabu just fit into his arms like that, as if he was made to be held by him and only him. 

 

“Eita.” He heard Shirabu called and he hummed in response. 

 

“Eita, look at me.” He turned his head to look at Shirabu and was met with soft lips on his. 

 

It was just a press of lips, a second, but it meant a lot to Semi that when Shirabu started to pull back, he placed his hand on the back of Shirabu’s head and kissed him on the lips, long and fervently, and he can feel Shirabu’s lips moving with the same intensity against his. 

 

A hand gripped his shirt, and another snaked its way to his hair, fingers playing with ashen-gray strands. Semi could taste the desperation in Shirabu’s lips and he thought, _maybe, maybe he feels the same_. The same churning in his stomach when their eyes met and their skins touch. The same coiling in his heart when he hears the soft melody of his laugh. It is too much and too little at once and Semi wanted all of him. He wanted all of Shirabu. 

 

Lips landed on the soft skin of Shirabu’s neck, a playful nip, a whisper, “I like you, Kenjirou,” and it was what snapped Shirabu out of his drunken haze. Eyes shot wide open and he pushed Semi away from him. 

 

“Shirabu?” Semi asked, confused, hurt. 

 

“I.. uh, I...” Shirabu said, eyes moving frantically, gaze everywhere, anywhere but Semi. “I’m sorry, Semi-san.” 

 

And before he could ask why, Shirabu was gone. 

 

— — — — — — — — —

 

Semi didn’t know how he reached their seats once again. 

 

All he remembered was Shirabu running away and how he was left staring at the empty space in front of him. He didn’t even notice Tendou’s presence beside him. 

 

“Eita, what happened?” Tendou asked his best friend but was met with no response. Instead, Semi stood up and went straight ahead for the bar entrance and got outside. If Shirabu walks away from him, there wouldn’t be any other place he could go to to get some air, atleast that was what Semi’s instincts told him.

 

He walked around the entrance and the garage, even ventured out to the street where the bar was located. 

 

After a few meters of walking, he saw him under the light of the streetlamps. He would always recognize the copper colored hair of Shirabu.

 

Only, he wasn’t alone. 

 

Semi knew he must talk to Shirabu. Pull him and talk to him, apologize even, if it makes everything better. But he didn’t. 

 

He walked away, the coiling in his heart was too tight, too painful, he can’t breathe. 

 

— — — — — — — — —

 

Shirabu was panicking.

 

_I shouldn’t have done that, I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have done that, I shouldn’t have done that._

 

A mantra inside his head. He shouldn’t have, but he did. And it was nice and good and wonderful and everything Shirabu forbid himself to feel. 

 

“Kenji, Kenji where are you?” He said, voice panicked when Futakuchi picked up the phone.

 

“I’m at the train station. Are you okay? Where are you?” Futakuchi asked. 

 

“No, I’m at the bar nearest our university. Come here please?” Shirabu said. “I need you.” _A whisper_. 

 

“On my way. Don’t go anywhere.” And he hung up. Shirabu walked away from the entrance and sat by a sidewalk bench near a streetlamp. The wind blew and he shivered, putting his arms around himself to protect himself from the cold. 

 

It was nearing autumn. And nights were becoming cooler. 

 

5 minutes. 10 minutes. And at 15, he heard his name being called.

 

“Kenjirou!” And there was Futakuchi. He quickly stood up and ran to meet his best friend. 

 

“Kenjirou what happened?” Futakuchi asked as soon as he saw the panicked look in Shirabu’s face.

 

“Eita. He, we, I.. it wasn’t.. i didn’t mean to. I was drinking. And I.. Drank like 4 shots or five.. and then i.. i went to him and.. asked him to dance with me and I kissed him and oh my god.. i didn’t.. Kenji.. He told me he liked me and I pushed him off and ran out.. and..” 

 

“Kenjirou. Look at me.” Futakuchi said cutting him off, placing both of his hands on Shirabu’s cheeks. Mocha brown eyes met the scared and panicked caramel ones and he sighed, “You’re gonna be okay, Kenjirou.” 

 

Shirabu sighed and bowed his head down, hands coming up to grip Futakuchi’s shirt tightly as tears started to fall from his eyes. Futakuchi brought him into a hug, placing a hand on his head to caress his hair soothingly, one which he did for Shirabu countless nights when they were younger. 

 

“He told me he likes me.” Shirabu said in a whisper.

 

“What’s wrong with that?” Futakuchi asked.

 

“He can’t.” 

 

Futakuchi sighed. “He was bound to love you again, Kenjirou. The heart remembers what the mind cannot.” 

 

“It’s inevitable.” 

 

— — — — — — — —

 

That night, Futakuchi didn’t leave Shirabu’s side. Maybe it was the way Shirabu held on to him when he said he would leave, maybe it was the nostalgic feeling of nights spent together in comfort from nightmares when they were younger, or maybe it was the feeling that they both don’t want to be alone that night.

 

That night became the first of many nights. 

 

They were always together, Yahaba noticed. From the mornings, where Futakuchi would emerge together with Shirabu from the apartment unit next to him, and together, the three of them would walk to Shirabu’s university to drop him off then go to the train station to go to their own. In the afternoons, they would pass by Shirabu’s university and wait for the latter to pack up and they would all go home together, and Futakuchi would once again stay in Shirabu’s place and the next day, it would all be the same. 

 

It confused Yahaba at first, how suddenly, it looked like Futakuchi was always there and never left. But he didn’t question it. Because the fact the Futakuchi was away from Terushima and Shirabu was allowing someone to stay with him spoke louder than what he wanted to hear from both of them. 

 

Something was wrong.

 

Yahaba never fully understood the workings of Shirabu and Futakuchi’s relationship. They always looked like they hate each other but when things started to take a turn for the worst, it almost seemed they couldn’t leave the other alone. 

 

Because when it’s Futakuchi and Shirabu together, it was comfort and warmth and familiarity against the bitterness, cold and pain around them. Their companionship was unlike any other. They would take and take and take what the other could give until it’s too much and if it became too much, they would stay away from each other once again. 

 

It was always like that, ever since junior high. But Yahaba was not one to meddle, after all, if there was someone that could understand both of them the most, it would be one another.

 

—————————

 

It was a Friday and on Fridays, Futakuchi doesn’t have morning volleyball practice so he was free to stay with Shirabu until his classes start at mid-day.

 

“He’s waiting for me to leave you know.” Futakuchi said as he helped Shirabu stretch. He became well-acquainted with their volleyball coach and manager (Futakuchi was likeable that way) that both didn’t have a problem when Futakuchi hangs around during practice despite being on the opposing team.

 

“We’ll finish later than usual. We’re gonna have a practice match later in the afternoon with the university the Miyas are attending.” Shirabu said. Futakuchi sighed at how Shirabu ignored his earlier statement. “I’ll come over after our practice and watch while waiting for you then.” Futakuchi said and Shirabu nodded.

 

Futakuchi looked around the gym and saw Semi looking at them, but immediately turned his gaze away as soon as his eyes met Futakuchi’s.

 

It has always been like that every day.

 

“Kenjirou.”

 

The whistle blew signalling the start of the practice. 

 

“Later Kenji.” And he ran to the center of the court, leaving Futakuchi sighing to himself to what would be the third in just within an hour.

 

— — — — — — — — —

 

Semi kept on waiting.

 

For two weeks now and he can’t get the chance to talk to Shirabu about what happened in the club. 

 

It seems like the setter is doing everything on purpose to avoid talking to him and being in the same place alone with him. 

 

On mornings, he would be talking with his friends until it was time to stretch, which they usually do together, but now Shirabu does with either his friend or another first year in the team. 

 

“Shirabu.” And he would face him, and the whistle would blow. He would bow _, “Excuse me, senpai.”_ And then he would leave. And Semi would be left, confused, pissed, hurt and annoyed at how irritatingly polite Shirabu is.  

 

“Haven’t talked to him yet?” Tendou asked beside him while they sat on the benches. “Not in the whole two weeks, no.” Semi answered.

 

The practice match just ended and Semi was drinking from his water bottle while watching Shirabu from across the court, chatting with his friend that drops him off at morning practice and picks him up after, and the twins from the opposing team, the blonde one draped over him while Shirabu looked annoyed. Semi always found it endearing how Shirabu got along with his friends, despite the cold and bitter exterior he lets off, he was a softie inside, warm and full of affection. And Semi just felt like he knew all of this. 

 

Shirabu stomped his way to the locker area and emerged with his team jacket on and his bag on his shoulder. Semi suddenly pushed his water bottle in Tendou’s hands and ran after the copper haired boy. 

 

“Shirabu!” 

 

He stopped but didn’t turn around to look at Semi. “Hey, Shirabu.” 

 

“Senpai.” His voice, cold and distant. The coiling in Semi’s heart getting tighter and tighter. 

 

Did he misunderstood it? The desperation he felt when Shirabu’s lips were on his, the longing, the repressed feelings, adoration. The.. the love? 

 

“Can we talk?” With his question came the loud call, “Kenjirou!” And a body knocking into Shirabu. “Stop running away~” the blonde guy whined. 

 

Shirabu turned to meet Semi, and again with the ever irritatingly polite, “Excuse me, senpai.” And then he was walking away, away from Semi and away from what Semi thought they had together, when lips where pressed against each other, bodies flushed despite the surrounding heat and fingers tangled into each other’s hair, arms wrapped around each other tightly, never wanting to let go. 

 

_Did he mistake that desperation and longing as his when..._

 

Arm wrapped around Shirabu’s shoulder, a hand coming up to ruffle his hair affectionately, Shirabu unconsciously leaning in to the touch.

 

 _When it was directed towards someone that was not him?_  

 

—————————

 

The Miyas’ place was a little bit packed, the Friday crowd starting to settle in as the night only began. They were thankful that they were still able to move around. Atsumu invited the captains of their batch to his college party and everyone was present except for Yahaba and Terushima who were on dates with their respective boyfriends, promising to make it up to everyone after qualifiers were over.

 

Everyone was freeing themselves with their restraints called self-control and was loosening up, including Shirabu who downed a glass of alcohol once he arrived with Futakuchi  after dropping off their stuff in his apartment, with the rest of their captain squad just staring at him. “Give me more.” Shirabu said and everyone cheered, Sakusa handing him another glass filled with alcohol. 

 

And now he was dancing with Akaashi in the living room which doubled as the dance floor and Ennoshita was worried at how uncharacteristically Shirabu was acting tonight. 

 

“Are you sure he’s okay?” Ennoshita asked for what Futakuchi counted as the fourth time that night, answering him with a slurred “He’s gonna be just fine,” before getting up and dragging Atsumu with him to the dance floor and towards Shirabu and Akaashi. 

 

“Hey.” He purred once he slid in behind Shirabu, hands on the smaller boy’s hips as his body moved to the rhythm of the music. Shirabu turned around and grinned when he saw Futakuchi, immediately wrapping his arms around his neck and pulling him in close, too close. “Hey.” 

 

“You good?” 

 

“Fantastic, you?” 

 

“Same.” 

 

“Hey, Keiji!” Shirabu called over to Akaashi who was now dancing with Atsumu. “Yeah?” 

 

“Kenji and I are just gonna go get drinks. You two coming?” 

 

“Nah, we’re good!” 

 

Shirabu nodded and pulled Futakuchi along with him to the kitchen, grabbing two cans of beer before making his way to the backdoor. He sat down on the stairs, Futakuchi following suit, before opening a can of beer and drinking. 

 

“Ya know,” Shirabu spoke after a moment’s beat of silence, “you’re still lucky that you love Yuuji. I mean, he loves you too, maybe not in the intensity you do, but he loves you and he knows you.”  

 

Futakuchi snorted, “He texted me congratulations because he thought we were dating again after we broke up back in junior high.” Shirabu looked at Futakuchi with wide doe eyes before breaking down into fits of laughter. It was obnoxious and unattractive and he was so so drunk, but Shirabu was beautiful, underneath the night sky illuminated by the stars and the moon, his pale skin glows, and Futakuchi stared a little before laughing with him. 

 

“You know, Semi-san really likes you.” Futakuchi said grinning. 

 

Shirabu looked at him, head tilted to the side, a playful smirk on his lips, “But you like me, too.” 

 

“Kenjirou, stop running away.” 

 

“I’m not.” 

 

“You’re flirting with me.” 

 

A bold move forward, until only inches were left between them. 

 

“Am I?” 

 

A lazy smirk, and an affirmative hum. “You are.”

 

“You dated me back in junior high, Kenji-chi.” Futakuchi leaned towards Shirabu, smirk turning into a playful one that mirror’s the latter with the use of a childhood nickname. 

 

“It was junior high, Ken-chan.” 

 

Noses brushing against one another and breaths mingling in the small space between them. 

 

“Hm, it was.” 

 

No one knew who leaned forward first, was it Futakuchi or was it Shirabu? Or was it both of them at the same time? Lips pressed against each other softly, once, twice, thrice until a hand was pressed on the back of the other’s head and another at the small of the back, pulling him close. 

 

“Uhm.” And a clear of the throat, causing Shirabu and Futakuchi to break away from each other to look at Osamu standing awkwardly behind them, trashbag in hand. 

 

They stood up to make way for him, the air around the three of them awkward. 

 

“There are free bedrooms upstairs if you want somewhere more uh, private.” Osamu said when he passed by them on his way back. Futakuchi and Shirabu grinned, walked back inside, not before placing a kiss on either side of Osamu’s face, before hurrying up the staircase to one of the bedrooms. 

 

The door was closed and they were all over one another, Shirabu pressed up against the wall and Futakuchi towering over him as lips met in a searing-hot kiss, rough and with so much intensity, it burns. 

 

And suddenly they were back in junior high. Of  raging hormones and sexualities being discovered, of lips tasting one another’s, hands, lips and tongues on exposed skins, careful, curious and testing, bodies grinding, rutting yet never penetrating, sheets rumpled in hands and spots forming from body fluids, lewd noises filling the silence of the bedroom. 

 

_“Kenji, why haven’t you tried putting your dick inside me? Not even once.”_

_“I don’t know, maybe it was just too intimate even for us?”_

_“Hmm, I guess so.”_  

 

It was junior high and what happens in junior high stays in junior high. They dated back then but never reached the level of intimacy that lovers do, because it was all platonic, for Futakuchi has been in love with Terushima Yuuji ever since and Shirabu was all studies and books until Semi Eita. 

 

Junior high was discovery and curiosity. They broke up after a while because they knew they weren’t made to be lovers. It was clean, no ill feelings. 

 

Futakuchi Kenji and Shirabu Kenjirou are not made to be lovers, but someones who are meant to stay in each other’s lives despite everything. They would always be more than best friends but less than lovers. They were made to be soul mates. And the best thing about soul mates is that, they could understand you the best even without saying a word. 

 

They tried ignoring each other during their high school days, each going to different schools, but none could compare to the comfort that each other brings. 

 

Shirabu was on his stomach pressed against the bed, a moaning mess as Futakuchi grinded hard against his back, his cock in the cleft of ass. It was rough and fast and hard and everything Shirabu needed right now. 

 

Harder, harder, faster, grinding and teasing, Futakuchi’s hands on him, the delicious feeling of the silky sheets rubbing against his cock, the sensations were too much and Shirabu felt that familiar coiling in his stomach. 

 

Cumming, cumming, cumming.

 

And he did, white liquid staining the sheets, a long moan and a name falling from his lips, a familiar name that has not muttered for so long in heated situations like this. 

 

_“Eita.”_

 

— — — — — — — — — 

 

_Semi just walked out of his bathroom, lower torso clad in only a towel and hair dripping with water, when he saw Shirabu lying on his bed, splayed out naked and two fingers up his ass. Semi had to swallow hard when lidded caramel colored eyes gazed up at him._

_“Happy Birthday, Eita. Like what you see?”_

_And Semi nodded, padding over to his bed and crawling towards Shirabu._

_“You planned this didn’t you?” Semi asked as he towered over his boyfriend, who looked up to him and smirked. “Of course, I only want you to have the best for your birthday and that’s the whole of me.”_

_“You little minx.” And Semi’s lips were on Shirabu’s. Passionate and full of love and adoration, to which Shirabu answered with the same intensity._

_Shirabu’s free hand found its way to Semi’s towel and yanked it off his boyfriend, and started to stroke his half-hard cock._

_It was their first time doing it, never going as far as making out and an occasional blowjob and handjob here and there, and Shirabu thought what better time to do it than Semi’s birthday, so they took their time. It was slow and savoring, Semi wiping the tears that escaped Shirabu’s eyes, “Are you in pain? Should I stop?” And with a shake of a head, “no,” and an assurance, “I’m okay, please move,” they made love. Slowly. Because what’s the rush, when they have all the time in the world to discover more of each other?_

_“Eita, Eita, Eita...” Shirabu said, his orgasm fast-approaching and Semi coaxed him, hand coming in-between to help him release and he did, a mantra of Semi’s name on his lips and Semi followed, filling Shirabu up._

_“Eita.” Hand coming up to cup Semi’s cheek and the older setter looked at Shirabu, eyes full of love for the younger one, and Shirabu smiled. “I love you.”_

**_And I want to spend eternity with you_ ** **.**

 

— — — — — — — — — —

 

Yahaba’s eye was twitching as he looked at the two barely clothed bodies sprawled out on Shirabu’s bed. 

 

He was annoyed. 

 

Every night he would hear Futakuchi and Shirabu laughing boisterously as they enter the latter’s apartment unit, thumps of the bed on the wall resounding towards Yahaba’s and he can’t sleep at night. They were so fucking loud. And in the mornings, they look like zombies, tired and sporting hang-overs. It has been like that since the party at the Miyas’ and Yahaba had been called twice to pick Shirabu up from the university because apparently, he was too sick to even go to school. 

 

And this morning was the last straw. Annoyed, he stomped over to the latter’s apartment, got even more annoyed when he saw Semi standing outside Shirabu’s unit because now he would have to hold back on scolding his two friends. 

 

“Semi-san. Morning, what brings you here?” Yahaba said, a friendly smile on his face. Semi turned to him and returned a small smile. “Good morning. Uh, Shirabu wasn’t able to attend practice yesterday afternoon and this morning so coach asked me to go get him. We have whole day today, and we really need him. Qualifiers are fast-approaching.”  

 

Yahaba fished out his spare key for Shirabu’s apartment and opened it. “Oh, right. Please enter Semi-san and wait in the living room for awhile. I’m going to go get Shirabu.” Yahaba said with a smile and stomped over to Shirabu’s bedroom, leaving Semi to close the door and pad over to the living room calmly. 

 

And now, Yahaba is currently hitting Futakuchi and Shirabu with a pillow. Yahaba was being nice because he was really tempted to carry both over his shoulder and toss them out the window if only it weren’t too much work. 

 

“Fucking get up you fuckers. I don’t care if you have hang-overs you deserve it for being irresponsible motherfuckers. Get up and fucking go to volleyball practices you little shits.” He said with gritted teeth. 

 

“Shigeru kindly shut the fuck up.” Futakuchi groaned and covered his head with a pillow. 

 

“No, I won’t. Not until you get your ass up and take a fucking shower. We have a whole day of practice and the ball’s not gonna fucking wait for you, asshat.” 

 

“Jeez, stop shouting will you? You’re making my head hurt.” Shirabu said, rolling over the bed and blindly grabbing a t-shirt scattered on the floor. 

 

“I won’t and it’s your fault you little fucker.” Yahaba said, making his voice even louder just to annoy the hell out of Shirabu. The latter grimaced and stood up slowly and stretching. 

 

“Ah, I feel like shit.” Shirabu muttered as he walked towards the door. 

 

“Serves you right.” Yahaba said and pulled Futakuchi to stand up. Shirabu opened the door and went out, clutching his head in his hand.

 

“Shirabu?” 

 

The voice snapped him out from his hang-over state and he looked up quickly, making his head ache even more. “Ei— Semi-san?!” He said, shock evident on his face. 

 

“Uhm, hi. You weren’t at volleyball practice again. Coach was worried and asked me to pick you up.” Semi said awkwardly. 

 

And as if to make things even more awkward, the door to Shirabu’s room opened and out came Futakuchi who is in various states of undress. “Shigeru, you don’t need to push me.” He said from his position on the floor. He looked at Shirabu and saw the disbelieving look on his face so he turned to look at the living room and saw Semi standing there in shock. A high-pitched scream left Futakuchi’s lips and even tried to cover himself with his hands to preserve his dignity. 

 

“Uh, I guess you’re busy. I’ll go ahead and tell coach you’d be coming in late.” 

 

And Semi left. The clicking of the door was what snapped Shirabu from his daze and he turned around to look at Yahaba who was standing with his arms crossed in front if Shirabu’s bedroom door. 

 

“Why didn’t you tell me Eita was here?!” Shirabu shouted in irritation. Yahaba scoffed and rolled his eyes which seemes to irritate Shirabu more. “And what, Kenjirou? So you could fucking hide in your room? You need to stop running away.” 

 

“I am not running away.” 

 

“You ARE!” Yahaba shouted and grabbed the front of Shirabu’s shirt. “You kept on coming to morning practice later than usual so you would have the excuse that you don’t have spare time to talk to him, you fucking drink every night since that party at Atsumu’s, you’re fucking wasted and high sometimes when YOU COULD’VE JUST TALKED TO HIM KENJIROU, AND STOPPED BEING A MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE RUNNING AWAY FROM HIM.” 

 

“It’s not easy, Shigeru and you know it!” Shirabu retaliated and pushed Yahaba off him. “And what’s easy, then Kenjirou? This? Getting wasted, getting sick, running away? Because you don’t have to deal with something you can’t face, is that it?” 

 

“Yes.” 

 

“You’re continuously breaking yourself, Kenjirou. It has to stop.” 

 

Shirabu let out a bitter laugh, “What do you know about being broken, Shigeru? Nothing, because you have a nice scholarship and a nice boyfriend who loves and knows you, so pray tell me what do you fucking know about being broken?!”

 

Yahaba gritted his teeth and punched Shirabu square on the jaw, causing the other to stumble backwards. “I don’t need to be broken to know how it fucking feels because seeing you wasting away is even more painful.” He said and made his way to the door. “If being broken makes one an ungrateful asshole, I hope it spares me. You’re better than this. You need to wake up and stop being an asshole, Kenjirou.” And he was gone.

 

“Kenjirou.” Futakuchi said and started to move next to Shirabu who was crying while clutching his bruising jaw. 

 

“Leave me alone first will you?” Shirabu whispered. Futakuchi sighed and went back inside the bedroom, emerging dressed in his shirt and volleyball shorts, sports bag in hand. “I’m gonna stay over at Shigeru’s first.” _I’m leaving you alone but I’ll be somewhere near if you need me._  

 

Shirabu nodded at him absent-mindedly. Futakuchi sighed and crouched down in front of his bestfriend, gave him a kiss on the top of his head, “Take care,” then stood up and made his way to the door. 

 

“Not everyone’s going to leave you when they get too close, Kenjirou. Not everyone’s going to forget you. Yuuji, Shigeru and I are living witnesses to that.” And he was gone. 

 

That day, Shirabu sent in a notice for a two-week absence in school and he called his coach.

 

“Hi, Coach. This is Kenjirou.” 

 

“I’m quitting volleyball, I’m sorry.” 

 

—————————

 

The first time Semi saw Shirabu once again was after a month. 

 

The qualifiers just ended and unfortunately, they were not able to make it. Shirabu quitted the team, and they had to settle in with the new setter, a first year as well, and it was hard, considering they had limited time left. No one blames Shirabu, but there are a lot of what-ifs going through everyone’s head. 

 

Semi tried to talk to Shirabu the day after the coach said he was quitting, but he wasn’t in class. He tried again the next day but found out Shirabu filed a student leave for 2 weeks under confidential reasons. He wasn’t at home either, and his friend was not around so he wasn’t able to ask where Shirabu is. He tried calling but would always be answered by the machine, asking him to leave a voicemail. 

 

Semi was thinking if telling Shirabu how he felt was a wrong move because at that time, it was what felt right. 

 

He took a walk one night. His stock of ramen and canned coffee ran out and he needed some because he’d be spending the night studying and finishing his requirements. 

 

He was walking out of the convenience store when a head of copper brown hair caught his eye. He thought it was his imagination and he blinked once, twice, and then he saw the unmistakable figure of Shirabu walking amidst the crowd. 

 

He walked fast, tried to catch up with him, and when he did, he called his name, and Shirabu turned to look at him and his eyes turned wide when he saw Semi walking towards him. 

 

“Goddamn it.” Semi muttered when Shirabu turned away from him and started to walk even faster, almost running and Semi was trying his best to catch up. 

 

He didn’t notice it. That they were at a pedestrian crossing and the sign turned red, the one for the cars turning green. He didn’t notice it until a car was speeding fast and the bright headlight hit the side of his face. He was too shocked to even react, a thousand scenes playing in his head, it hurt and suddenly his limbs felt like jelly he can’t move. 

 

_What are these? Are these memories? Why can’t I..?_

 

And then something bumped into him so hard it sent him rolling across the street.

 

Then black out. 

 

—————————

 

_“Eita...” he heard a voice whisper and his head turned to the direction where the voice came from but he saw no one._

_“Eita..” he heard yet again, this time nearer and a bit clearer. A familiar voice in such an empty space. Is his mind playing tricks with him?_

_“Hey, Eita.”_

_A flash of brown in an otherwise white space, a fleck of copper, and then, nothing._

_“Don’t forget me, will you?”_  

 

His eyes shot open, chest heaving with each intake of breath. Emergency lights flashed around him, red, blue, red blue, and people were crowding, whispering. What happened?

 

He felt wetness on his face and brought his hand up to his face, felt tears streaming from his eyes and blood coming out from the small gashes that he got rolling around when he was thrown. 

 

He looked to the side, saw a body being carried to a stretcher and brought immediately to the ambulance. 

 

A flash of copper, then nothing. 

 

“Sir, can you hear me?” 

 

His head was aching so bad and his eyes felt heavy it was closing, the last thing he remembers were the flashing lights of the ambulance and the rescuer’s voice, “Sir, can you hear me?”, and a flash of brown before the ambulance doors were closed. 

 

And again nothing, but the small pieces of his dream inching away from him. 

 

Some things are spoken to you through your dreams, things that meant so much or so little. Dreams speak louder than voices but the worst thing about waking up is...

 

“What was the dream about again?” 

 

We don’t remember even a remnant of it. 

 

—————————

 

 The first thing Shirabu did when he saw Semi was to run away. He wasn’t supposed to, but it was what his reflexes and instincts told him to do so. 

 

Run.

 

And he did. 

 

5 seconds til the light turned red and he ran to cross the street and when he looked back, he saw Semi catching up to him but suddenly stopping in the middle when the light turned green. His eyes widened and fear started to creep towards him.

 

_“Kenjirou, we need to talk.”_

_“We don’t Eita. Stop telling me what to do.”_  

 

He turned back and walked towards the middle of the street, towards Eita. People screaming at him to stop, to go back to the side walk because the sign clearly indicates green.

 

_“STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO YOU’RE NO BOSS OF ME FUCKING STOP.”_

_“YOU’RE SO GODDAMN CONTROLLING IT’S MAKING ME SICK I WISHED I HADN’T MET YOU.”_

 

The car was fast approaching and the light was blinding him and in a last attempt to save Semi, he pushed him to the side which sent the latter rolling. 

 

_“So that’s how it is then?” Pride and anger, when mixed, was never good._

_“Yeah, I wish I didn’t even know you.” And he was too proud to admit he was wrong._

 

And the car hit Shirabu. And it was fast, he didn’t even felt the pain not until he was sent toppling over the hood and falling over to the pavement. 

 

_“Kenjirou, Eita was involved in an accident.”_

 

It was a fight to keep his consciousness and he struggled to keep his eyes open to look for Semi, **_is he okay?_**  

 

_“The truck driver hit the passenger side of his car. Turns out, the driver was drunk and didn’t notice that the light was red.”_

 

Murmurs of the crowd were heard and the ambulance arrived, the emergency lights painting the night scene red and blue.

 

_“He’s stable for now, but he’s in a coma. He won’t be waking up soon.”_

 

The rescuers put him on a stretcher slowly and carefully. He tried to reach his hand out to Semi but it was at the same time that he lost his consciousness. 

 

 ** _Eita, I’m sorry_**. 

 

Words, when spoken can mean so much and so little at the same time and even just one word could cause a huge impact in your life. 

 

_“Who are you?”_

_“I’m your boyfriend, stop joking around Eita.”_

_“But I’m not. I don’t know you.”_

 

It is what you do, the decisions you made that lead you to what you are today and what you do and decide on today would lead you to a certain path in the future. 

 

_“Retrograde Amnesia. The part of his brain responsible for his memories was damaged slightly and it would cause him to forget his memories 3-4 years prior to the accident.”_

_“He won’t be remembering soon.”_

 

Memories are powerful, and it could make you cry and laugh at the same time. Funny how memories of tears could make you laugh and memories of laughter could make you cry. 

 

_“If you could go back in time and change something, what would you change?”_

**_I would’ve never ran away._ **

 

— — — — — — — — —

 

“Eita.” 

 

_Where are you?_

 

“The heart can see what the eyes cannot.” 

 

_What do you mean?_

 

“Close your eyes, Eita.” Eyelids fluttered shut and he felt a soft and feather-light weight settle on his chest. “Do you feel me here?” 

 

_I do._

 

“Then, I’ll be here forever.” 

 

_But... who are you?_

 

Semi opened his eyes and he saw white. White ceiling, white walls and white sheets. He felt something ticklish on his arm and he saw a mop of red hair beside him. 

 

“Satori?” 

 

Tendou stirred and sat up, rubbing his eyes and blinking before his gaze focused on Semi, and he offered a small, gentle smile. “Hi, Eita-kun. How are you feeling?” 

 

“My head feels like it is being split into two and my body aches all over. What happened?” 

 

“A car accident, again. But this time you weren’t the one who was hit.” Tendou said slowly. 

 

“What?” Confused. “I felt something hit me and it was what caused me roll across the street. Was it not the car?” 

 

“No. The worst you got were scratches on your arms and few on your cheeks. Someone pushed you away before the car made impact.” 

 

“Who was it then? I need to thank the person.” 

 

Tendou bit his lip before looking at Semi seriously and the latter suddenly felt a tinge of nervousness. 

 

“Kenjirou.” 

 

Semi ran. 

 

_“Minor concussion, a broken rib and a fracture on the shoulder. He was lucky he was able to cover his head when the car hit him, it lessened the impact so there were no major head traumas.”_

 

But no matter how fast he did, he always felt like it’s too late, like he was always a step behind. 

 

_“He’s in room 310.”_

 

  1. 308\. 309. 310. 



 

And he looked through the small window of the door.

 

A step too late.

 

Semi knew he could have knocked, asked if he could talk with him a little, and even thank him for doing what he did. But he didn’t. He walked away.

But he shouldn’t have. 

 

—————————

 

Futakuchi was there the instant he received the call from the hospital saying Shirabu was involved in a car accident. He called Yahaba and Terushima after, and he sighed as he plopped down on the seat beside Shirabu, taking his hand in his and pressing their entwined hands into his forehead. He was shaking, and he can feel the tears prickling on the side of his eyes. “Fuck.” He breathed out.

He felt Shirabu’s fingers twitch, and then they were threading in between his. Futakuchi looked up to see Shirabu’s eyes fluttering open and when they did, he looked at Futakuchi and squeezed his hand, offering a small smile and Futakuchi was not able to stop himself. Tears started to flow freely from his eyes and he stood up and carefully enveloped Shirabu in his arms. “You scared me.” Futakuchi whispered, and Shirabu carefully wounded his arms around him and gently squeezed him, _I’m sorry._ Futakuchi breathed a sigh of relief, and pulled back from the hug, held Shirabu’s face in his hands, the latter looking up at him, “Don’t ever do that again, do you hear me? Don’t, just don’t put yourself in situations like that, god. You scared me Kenjirou.” He pulled Shirabu back into a hug, burying his face in the latter’s shoulder, and Shirabu just hugged him back, hand caressing his back, _I’m sorry, I’m okay. I’m really sorry._ His eyes drifted to the door, on the small window that overlooks the hallway, and he thought he saw a flash of silver, but it was gone before he knew it.

 

—————————

 

The doctor came in later to check in on Shirabu and Futakuchi asked him why he is not talking. The doctor said that he was still in shock as a result of the accident, but a little coaxing would get him to speak. And that was what Futakuchi did.

At some point, Futakuchi slid in beside Shirabu, not minding if it was a hospital bed, and pulled the boy closer to him. They were silent, Futakuchi slowly coaxing him to talk, little by little, words exchanged in hushed conversations as Shirabu relayed the story of how he saw Semi and the instant he did, he ran away when he knew he shouldn’t. How he felt so much fear when he saw the car speeding towards the road and towards Semi and the latter was not moving an inch from his spot in the middle. It was like deja vu, a flashback to that night a year ago, a fight, a clash of differences and words uttered but not meant. 

Semi was home at Sendai that night because it was their last time to be together before Semi started university and move to Tokyo. But they just got into a fight, both of their hot-headed qualities clashing and both erupting at the same time. Shirabu was too prideful and he ran away. Semi was too afraid and he chose to turn his back. He went to Tokyo and that’s when he got involved in an accident. 

 

And Shirabu blamed himself for having been a total asshole that night. If only he had listened, if only he agreed to talk, then Semi wouldn’t have been involved in an accident that caused him all his high school memories, all the memories they had.

 

That’s why Shirabu tried to stay away, tried his best to stop getting too close because he was afraid he might hurt Semi once again. But he loved him too much he couldn’t do it. And this is what happened, another accident that could’ve caused Semi his life. 

 

Futakuchi sighed heavily and pulled Shirabu closer to him. “Don’t blame yourself for things you couldn’t control, Kenjirou.” And they kept silent until the door burst open and in came a fuming mad Yahaba who was being held back by a panicked Terushima. 

 

“You. You asshole!” Yahaba shouted as he walked towards Shirabu’s hospital bed. Terushima tried to hold Yahaba back but he was just thrown away. 

 

“I thought you fucking died but I remembered you’re a fucking devil you can’t die and I was suddenly afraid you might have forgotten us and would wake up asking us who we are and I swear to god I would knock you up so bad you’re brain’s gonna fucking turn upside down.” Yahaba said while gritting his teeth.

 

Shirabu just looked at Yahaba, eyes blankly staring at him and Yahaba’s heart clenched in too much pain at how much lost and broken his best friend looks right in front of him. His knees buckled and he was about to fall if not for Terushima immediately going to his side to hold him up. “God, I was so worried when I got the call. You don’t how much of my life I felt taken away from me. You fucker. I know you’re a dumbass but I didn’t know it would go this far that you would get yourself hit and stand in the middle of the road when the lights are green.” He said while tears stream on the side of his face. Shirabu offered his hand out to Yahaba and the latter immediately took it, squeezing it hard, _You scared me,_ and Shirabu squeezed back, _I’m sorry._

 

“Semi was there.” Shirabu said, voice not hinting any kind of emotion.

 

“What?”

 

“Semi was there. In the middle of the road. And it was suddenly one year ago when Semi was involved in a car accident, only this time I was there. I did what I could. Push him, spare him from the accident, because I couldn’t lose him more than I had.” 

 

Yahaba was silently looking at Shirabu and he sighed, wiping the tears that escaped his eyes as he sat down beside the bed, hand still holding Shirabu’s and the weight of Terushima’s hand on his shoulder, offering comfort and assurance.

 

“Asshole.” Yahaba said and Shirabu let a small smile form on his lips as the four of them settled into the quiet atmosphere of the hospital room.  

 

—————————

 

His breath came out in small wisps of smoke and when the cool wind blew, he crossed his arms on his chest to keep some warmth. 

 

Nights in Tokyo are starting to get colder. 

 

_“Are you sure you’re gonna talk to him?”_

_“Someone needs to do it.”_

_“Won’t Kenjirou get mad at you?” Terushima asked and Futakuchi looked at the lump of body on the bed, covered in bandages and a dextrose on his hand, breathing steadily in his sleep with Yahaba seated on the chair beside the hospital bed, face buried in his arms and their hands lightly holding each other’s, “Who knows?”_

 

He trudged up the stairs slowly and when he reached the door, he looked at it twice, making sure he got the unit right before bringing his hand up to knock.

 

He heard a voice from the other side of the door, and then light footsteps before the door swung open and in front of him stood Semi, bandaged up as well, just little as compared to Shirabu, face contorted into shock and confusion as he look at Futakuchi who was standing in front of his apartment unit.

 

“Futakuchi? What are you doing here?”

 

“I came to talk to you.”

 

“Talk?” Semi asked, confused. What is there to talk about? Not that they were close enough.

 

“It’s about Kenjirou.” Futakuchi answered and Semi felt his whole body turn cold. _Will he ask me to stay away from Shirabu?_ He thought. He opened the door wider and stepped to the side, “Alright, come in.”

 

—————————

 

Semi was running, not minding the cold air hitting his face. He didn’t even hear Futakuchi stopping him as he bolted out of the door at 8 o’clock in the evening, in nothing but light clothes that wouldn’t protect him from the cold.

 

_“You used to call me Kenji, and Shirabu, you called him Kenjirou, and well, Tendou-san, Satori. After you and Kenjirou started dating, the four of us gravitated towards each other.”_

 

A lot of thoughts are swimming through his head but he can’t seem to name them. It made his head hurt and confused, it made his heart clench and it made his soul feel incomplete.

 

_“What?”_

_Futakuchi let out a soft laugh, “Kenjirou was a stubborn guy. He kept denying his feelings for you even if it was so obvious that he likes you so much. He gets flustered when we tease him about it, and he always talks about you like ‘Fuck Semi-san and his pretty hair and pretty eyes,’ and he doesn’t even seem to realize that he was talking about that out loud to us.”_

He reached the familiar building, one where he goes to every time he got bored or just wanted to hang out, where he does late night study sessions with lots of coffees and energy drinks. He went in immediately, trudged up the stairs to the familiar floor and stopped in front of a familiar door.

 

_“You had retrograde amnesia, and your memories from high school got wiped out. You forgot about Kenjirou, you forgot about everything that happened in high school and between you two.”_

He rang the doorbell twice, and knocked frantically, feet shuffling as he got restless and impatient. He knocked again, this time a little louder, and he heard an annoyed voice from the other side of the door telling him to, “Wait the fuck up, I’m coming.”

 

_“He tried to stay away from you, afraid that he might hurt you again. But he couldn’t. He loves you that much, still do. I don’t think he could even get over you even if he tried. You’re everything to him, Semi-san and when you woke up in the hospital a year ago, asking him who he is, he lost it. He lost you.”_

Now he remembers it, where he first thought he saw Shirabu for the first time because when he saw him in school, he seemed familiar. He was there in the hospital a year ago, after he got involved in an accident. And he asked him who he was, and he remembered Shirabu calling him Eita.

 

The door opened and before the guy could open his mouth, Semi spoke first, “Take me to Sendai now, Satori.”

 

_“I thought you’re dating Shirabu?”_

_Futakuchi looked at him incredulously, “I am not. We’re best friends and I love him, but it’s all platonic. Sure we dated in junior high but it was more of exploring more than feelings. Kenjirou tends to self-destruct when conflicted and barreled with his feelings that you need to watch over him always. He tends to close in on himself and that’s the time where I come in, but it seems that aside from me, you are the one that could handle him the best.”_

“Eita-kun,” Tendou started with a sigh as he looked at the shivering form of his best friend, though it doesn't look like that Semi is aware that he is cold at all.

 

“Please, Satori. I need to know.”

 

_“Tendou-san knows everything, and you could talk to him, though talking wouldn’t bring your memories back fully, it would just help in restoring them.”_

Tendou looked at him and sighed again, opening the door wider for Semi to get in. “Alright, I’ll have the tickets booked, we’re leaving tomorrow.”

 

Sendai was as beautiful as Semi remembered. They were walking along the streets quietly, Tendou beside him as they take in everything in their surroundings. The last time Semi went home was before the accident, the time he got into a fight with Shirabu as Tendou and Futakuchi told him, and stepping back into his hometown he was hit with a feeling of nostalgia that made his heart warm.

 

“The two of you used to walk around here,” Tendou started. “Sometimes Kenjirou would knock into our dorm room and ask you out without having any plans, and later on, Reon and I would see the two of you just walking around, sometimes eating ice cream, sometimes bantering and sometimes just silent.”

 

They continued walking, with Tendou pointing out sites where, according to him, places where they go to for dates, and where the four of them, along with Futakuchi, hang out after volleyball practices. When they reached a large building, they stopped in front of it before Tendou looked at him, “Let’s go.” Tendou said and walked inside the gates, Semi following behind. “Are you sure we could go in just like this, Satori?” Semi asked as his eyes glanced around, the grounds were not empty, there were a few students walking around and seating by the benches and it was only then that Semi realized that the place was very big.

 

“Of course, Eita-kun. We are alumni of this school after all.”

 

They went inside the building and were greeted by students that Semi thinks are in their senior year. They would wave at them and Tendou would wave back enthusiastically, and Semi would just offer a nod.

 

“See that place over there?” Tendou asked as he pointed out the side of the staircase, well-hidden from the eyes of the students and perhaps, the personnel, “that’s where you and Kenjirou meet up sometimes just because you wanted to see him. And well, make-out for a few minutes before going back to class.”

 

“What?!”

 

“Let’s get a move on, Eita-kun, if we want to go back to Tokyo tonight as planned.”

 

They continued walking around the school, until they reached volleyball club room. Tendou pulled a key from his pocket and opened the door (Semi looked at him with an accusing gaze and Tendou just shrugged, _I have it copied before we graduated)_ , turning on the lights for better viewing. They stepped inside and Semi walked around, stopping in front of the lockers when he saw his name on one.

 

“Semi Eita, setter; pinch server” The label said and beside his locker was a name he was familiar with, “Shirabu Kenjirou, setter; captain”

 

“When Kenjirou first came here, the two of you kept bantering over the lockers because on his first day, he took yours. It lasted so long until it became a habit and a joke between the two of you.”

 

Semi looked around once more, and he found a picture by the side of the door.

 

“That’s during our last year and our last game.” Tendou said as he looked at the picture from behind Semi. He saw familiar faces that he can’t put a name to aside from two people, Tendou and Shirabu.

 

“This is the blocker from Futakuchi’s university right?” Semi said as he pointed to a tall brunet with bed hair.

 

“Yeah. Kawanishi Taichi, Kenjirou’s other best friend, aside from the three brats you see around him.” Tendou said, his voice soft in a way Semi never heard before and he saw the lingering gaze Tendou had as he looked at the boy in the picture who was standing beside the third year Tendou Satori, the redhead having his arm around the brunet’s shoulder. _Are they…?_

 

The door suddenly opened and in came a boy with black hair and straight bangs who were looking at them with wide and teary eyes.

“Tendou-san?” The boy asked, his voice shaky and Semi was afraid that he might start crying.

 

“Tsutomu, hi kiddo. Your bangs are as straight as ever.” And that was all Tendou was able to say before the kid dropped his bag and hugged Tendou.

 

Goshiki Tsutomu, the present ace and captain of the volleyball club, and two years their junior. Tendou told him that he used to mother Goshiki when they were third years and the boy was in his first year, and sometimes when he encouraged him by calling him, ‘future ace,’ Shirabu would appear with the saltiest comment ever. Goshiki smiled at him, different from the beaming smile he saw in the team picture. It was a soft smile, and Semi found himself feeling warm yet again.

 

Goshiki asked them to watch the practice but Tendou declined, saying they had to be elsewhere, but promised that they would visit again and bring Shirabu and perhaps Kawanishi along.

 

“Where are we going next?” Semi asked and Tendou just smiled at him.

 

They stopped in front of a house, and before Semi could ask, Tendou rang the doorbell and the door opened, a brunet woman standing in front of them.

 

“Hi- oh. Satori-chan is that you?” The lady said and Tendou beamed at her, nodding. “It is, Naomi-san. I brought someone.” Tendou said and the lady, Naomi-san, turned to look at Semi. “Hi, Eita-chan. How have you been?” She said, her voice soft. Semi smiled, “I’m fine, thank you.”

 

Naomi-san opened the door and welcomed the boys in her house. Semi felt familiar but he can’t seem to place it, as if he’s been here already. “Will you stay for dinner?” Naomi-san asked.

 

“I’m afraid not, Naomi-san. We have a train to catch. We’re just visiting. I hope we’re not a bother.” Tendou answered.

 

“Oh of course, you’re not. I’ve been waiting for your visits, how’s Kenjirou? He didn’t come along?”

 

“Kenjirou?” Semi asked Tendou.

 

“This is his house, Eita-kun. Meet Shirabu Naomi, Kenjirou’s mom.” Tendou answered and Semi’s eyes widened as he looked back at Naomi-san who was smiling at him. “I, I’m sorry, ma’am—“

 

“It’s okay, Eita-chan. We know what happened.” The woman smiled and it was only then that Semi noticed her resemblance with Shirabu, the eyes which were the same shade of caramel brown, the hair and the way she smiled. “Kenjirou left a box for you that he was supposed to give before you leave for university. It’s in his room. I’ll go ahead and cook dinner because Kaito would be arriving home soon. Feel free to go to his bed room.” Naomi-san said and turned to head to the kitchen.

 

Shirabu’s bedroom was clean and meticulous, just as Semi expected. Everything was in order and there were no things that are not in their proper place. He looked at his study table that stood beside his bed, and saw the cleanly arranged notebooks and pens. His corkboard was empty, save for three pictures, one of the whole Shiratorizawa team, another of him, Futakuchi, Terushima and Yahaba (probably from when they were in junior high, Semi thinks) and one of him and Shirabu. He unpinned it from the cork board and looked at it closely. It was graduation, if the robe and diploma says anything, and Shirabu had a small smile on his lips as Semi leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. Semi found himself smiling as he looked at the picture.

 

“Eita-kun.” Tendou called and he turned to see Tendou holding out a small, velvet box towards him. He took the box and opened it, found a note that says, _“To: Eita, good luck in uni! I love you. –Kenjirou,”_ and beneath the note was a leather bracelet with a silver circle design in the middle.

 

“Will you wear it?”

 

Semi shook his head. _No, not yet._

—————————

Shirabu was released from the hospital after a week and he plopped down on his couch when they reached his apartment unit, wincing when he landed on his bandaged arm. The notice he sent was just for two weeks of absence and that was how long he was only excused. He huffed out an annoyed breath as he blew the bangs out of his face.

“Kenjirou, help with your bags will you?” He heard Yahaba say from the door.

 

“I’m a disabled person.” Shirabu replied and he heard Yahaba groan in annoyance. “You have one functioning arm, use it as it should be used, asshole.”

 

“Where’s Kenji, anyway? Shouldn’t he be the one helping you?” Shirabu asked as he settled more comfortably on the couch.

 

“He went to your school to submit your doctor’s certificate and get you your notes or whatever it is that you missed and would be missing because of your stupidity.”

 

“Whatever. Yuuji?”

 

“He bought dinner.” Shirabu nodded and yawned. Yahaba dropped the bags by the door of Shirabu’s bedroom and turned to him with a displeased expression on his face to which Shirabu answered with an innocent smile. “Yes, Shigeru?” Yahaba rolled his eyes, “Asshole. I’m going to shower and get changed. I smell like bleach.” He said and walked out of Shirabu’s apartment.

 

It was a few minute of silence before there was a knock on his door. Grumbling, Shirabu stood up and went to open it and as soon as he does, a head of ash grey was suddenly on him causing him to stumble a little backwards.

 

“Semi-san?”

 

“Kenjirou.” And Shirabu felt his knees weaken, his heart beat fast at how affectionate Semi’s voice was, and his eyes prickling with tears. “Kenjirou, Kenjirou. I’m sorry.” He heard him say on his shoulder, and then he felt wetness. He closed the door and wound his good arm around Semi’s waist, “What are you sorry about, Semi-san?” _You did nothing wrong._

“For forgetting.” He said, his voice breaking and Shirabu had to close his eyes to stop the tears from falling.

 

“It’s not your fault, Semi-san. I’m the stubborn one and if not for that, you wouldn’t be involved in an accident.”

 

“Still.” Semi pulled back and looked at Shirabu, who offered him a small smile, and he wasn’t able to stop himself as he leaned down and took the brunet’s lips in a kiss. It was enough for the tears that he had been holding back to flow as he closed his eyes and pulled Semi closer to him, afraid that the minute he let go, Semi would be gone again and he would be left alone in his misery.

 

When they pulled back from the kiss, Shirabu buried his face in Semi’s shoulder, muttering a litany of _“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,’’_ and Semi caressed his back as he answered, _“it’s okay, we’re fine, we’re good,”_ and kissed him once again, because kissing Shirabu felt good, it felt right. He maneuvered them into the living room and sat on the couch, pulling Shirabu to sit on his lap, their lips moving softly and slowly against one another.

 

They didn’t hear the door unlock and click, and it wasn’t until Futakuchi was by the couch and clearing his throat that they separate from one another, cheeks flushed with color and lips slightly swollen from the kiss.

 

“I’m glad that both of you are doing well, but dinner is ready. You could continue that later.” Futakuchi said with a grin, making Shirabu blush even harder. Semi laughed and Shirabu turned to give him a glare. “Shut up, Eita.”

 

“Make me, pretty boy.” Semi teased before placing a kiss on Shirabu’s cheek and motioning for him to get up. They head over to the small dining room where Terushima and Futakuchi are moving around to get utensils and drinks for everyone. The door opened once again and Yahaba came in.

 

“Oh, Semi-san. Hello.” Yahaba greeted and Semi offered a nod in return. Dinner was filled with stories, of how Shirabu’s condition was ( _I’m fine, just scratches and a few broken ribs but I’ll live,_ which earned him an eye roll from Yahaba), how Terushima and Daishou were doing ( _We’re nearing our second anniversary!)_ , how was volleyball, ( _I’m still the best setter Shirabitch_ ), and how Semi’s talk with Tendou went.

 

“How was the talk with Tendou-san?” Futakuchi asked.

 

“It’s okay, he filled me in as well with the details. I asked him to bring me back to Sendai as well.”  Semi answered.

 

“What’s going on, what’s this talk about? Why did you go back to Sendai?” Shirabu asked as he looked back and forth between Semi and Futakuchi. Semi supplied him with the story, how Futakuchi appeared at his front door one night and told him everything about his amnesia and Shirabu and high school, how he asked Tendou to bring him to Sendai and their trip to Shiratorizawa Academy.

 

“I can’t believe I was a setter in high school.” Semi told them.

 

“You were, but Kenjirou here took your spot.” Yahaba said which earned him a glare from the brunet.

 

“He did?” Semi asked, and if Shirabu didn’t know better, he was even amazed.

 

“Yeah he did. You can’t believe how much he kept on pacing around Kenji’s living room because he was paranoid that you might get angry at him, especially when you two just started dating.” Terushima said, throwing a playful grin towards Shirabu.

 

“Did I get angry though?”

 

“No, but you were frustrated and won’t talk to me for days.” Shirabu said, scrunching up his nose. “I’m sorry.” Semi said and Shirabu looked at him before waving him off and saying, “It was nothing, I clearly understand why you reacted that way.”

 

Yahaba snorted, “It was not nothing, Semi-san. He was stress eating the whole time.”

 

“Shut up, Shigeru.” Shirabu said and Yahaba just snickered.

 

The rest of the night was spent with remembering their high school days and filling Semi in with the memories he can’t remember, Yahaba, Terushima and Futakuchi not passing up the chance to embarrass Shirabu which ended up with maybe a pinch on the arm or a kick on the shin from a blushing Shirabu. ( _Worth it,_ Terushima said when he fell down from his chair because Shirabu tipped it backwards when he stood up to get juice from the refrigerator.) Yahaba stretched with a yawn and looked at the time. “As much as I want to stay and spend the night embarrassing you, Shirabitch, Kenji and I have volleyball practice tomorrow.” Yahaba said. They all stood up and headed towards the door.

 

“Kenjirou, I know how much you missed Semi-san, but please hold back for a while. Your body still needs to heal from the accident.” Futakuchi said with a teasing grin and it took all of Shirabu’s self-control not to kick him again.

 

“Goodbye.”

 

“And please keep it quiet, okay? I could hear you next door. I want a peaceful night.”

 

“Goodbye.”

 

“And Kenjirou, use protection!” Terushima shouted which made Shirabu close the door on them. He could hear them laughing from the other side of the door which made him sigh. He felt arms wrap around his waist from the back and he leaned to the warmth of Semi. “Why are they even my friends?”

 

“Because they care for you and love you and you feel the same towards them.” Semi answered and Shirabu groaned because Semi was right.

 

“Are you staying for the night?” Shirabu asked.

 

“Do you want me to?” Semi asked back and Shirabu nodded, taking Semi’s hand in his and led him to the bedroom. They laid down side by side, their hands intertwined between them. Semi placed his free hand on Shirabu’s cheek and Shirabu nuzzled into it, “I love you, Eita.” He said and he felt that his heart would explode. It was the first time he ever said it aloud again, the first time he said it to Semi himself after a year and it felt good, like everything he’s been hiding is now in the open. He felt vulnerable once again, but the good kind of vulnerable.

 

“I love you too, Kenjirou. I don’t remember much, I don’t know what happened in the duration of our relationship from before, but I know I’m happy back then. And even if I don’t remember, I would still love you all the same.” Semi said.

 

“It’s okay if you don’t remember. I mean, it’s good if you could remember everything, it might just take time, but if you don’t, it’s okay as well. We could always make new ones. We have all the time in the world.”

 

Semi leaned in close and Shirabu met him halfway, lips meeting in a slow and passionate kiss. They took their time and melted into one another. Shirabu would never get enough of kissing Semi, holding Semi, hugging Semi and being with Semi because it is Semi, it is _Eita,_ and he would never get enough of him.

 

“Oh, by the way,” Semi said, pulling the velvet box from his pocket and taking the leather bracelet, “Your mom told me that you had something for me back then and let us in your bed room so that I could get it.”

 

“You went to my house?”

 

“I didn’t know it was until I was there. Anyway, why a circle though?” Semi asked as he traced the silver circle with his finger.

 

“Because a circle is endless, like time.” Shirabu said as he took the bracelet from Semi and clasped it on the ash gray’s wrist. “You told me once that time is limited and endless at the same time. That there is only so much you could do that would lead you in what you are today.”

 

“Do you regret anything that happened back then?”

 

“I regret not talking to you because if I just did, you wouldn’t be suffering with amnesia right now. Sometimes I wonder, what if I did talk to you instead of shutting you out?” Shirabu’s hand tightened on Semi’s, “I lost you, Eita. It was the one thing I regret.”

 

“But I’m here now, aren’t I? I may not remember much, but I don’t need that in order to love you. I loved you before because you are Shirabu Kenjirou and I love you now because you are Shirabu Kenjirou.” Semi said. “The only thing we could do is learn from our mistakes. There may be regrets and what-ifs, but instead of letting it weigh us down, why don’t we use it as a motivation to do better? After all, like you said, time is endless. I’d rather spend it being in love with you than worry about things that I could no longer change.”

 

It was all the assurance Shirabu needed and he could now breathe again. Semi is here, with him. He lost him once, and that was the lesson that Shirabu would carry in his life, not to weigh him down but serve as a lesson on how much actions and words, when spoken and acted on, mean so much and could affect so much. Their relationship was never easy, it never was since it began, but that is what would make them much stronger than they were ever before.

 

“You’re forever a sap, Eita.”

 

Semi chuckled and brought Shirabu close to him, “You love me.”

 

Shirabu smiled and nuzzled against Semi’s chest, tucking his head under his lover’s chest, “I do.”

 

—————————

 

_“Eita what if one day, you wake up then you don’t remember me?”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“Like you have no memories of me, and you don’t know me.”_

_A thoughtful hum, and Shirabu watches as the ever present pout forms on Semi’s lips. It was always there when he’s thinking hard and Shirabu has always found it adorable._

_“Well, at some point, I would meet you and I know I would just fall in love with you over again.”_

_“How would you know you would meet me?”_

_Semi grinned at him, “Well, Kenjirou, you can’t stay away from me. Not that long.” Shirabu snorted, “You sure are full of yourself, Semi-san.”_

_Semi rolled over on his stomach and softly poked Shirabu’s nose to which the latter scrunched up his face making Semi smile. “You love me.”_

_“Do I?”_

_“Oi.”_

_Soft laughter filled the room._

_“Well, how would you know that you would fall in love with me again?”_

_“Well, loving you just comes naturally. Like breathing.” Hands intertwined with each other on top of the sheets. “Maybe I’d get to meet you time and time again, and in each time, I would fall in love with you._

_I may not remember you, but the heart knows what it wants and my heart happens to want you and love you. And it would, without a doubt, choose you always.”_

_And it was a promise, of two souls intertwined with each other, of two threads that would be carefully sewn and interwoven together in the tapestry called life. It was love, in its purest and finest form, and it is the kind of love that endures all things._

_Shirabu Kenjirou would always find Semi Eita and Semi Eita would always fall in love with Shirabu Kenjirou. A match made in heaven, destined to be together in the endless loop called forever._

_“If you could go back in time and change something, what would you change?”_

_“Nothing, I wouldn’t want you any other way.”_

**Author's Note:**

> soooo, who’s ready for some TeruFuta? :)


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